


Adventure/Home

by Andalusa93



Series: Letters [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, M/M, Post-Battle of Five Armies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:23:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andalusa93/pseuds/Andalusa93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say writing letters you never intend to send are a good way to come to terms with emotional unrest.</p><p>These letters are written as separate entities. The letter from Bilbo sticks to canon (mostly) and Thorin's is written as though Bilbo had died instead of him (up to you to decide how)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Dearest Thorin

_My Dearest Thorin,_

_Would you believe it has been close to a week between me writing those first three words and the ones I write now? It is strange; how difficult I find it to sit and address you directly rather than make vague allusions in a song or poem. Even now, my heart pounds and I find my gaze repeatedly drawn to your name. I have written two other letters like this before now, I fear this will be the most difficult as it is one I never thought I would have to write._

_Your parting words still sit heavily in my mind, you spoke of home and comfort, despite getting most of my belongings back, Bag End doesn't seem to hold either of these for me. There are many more trinkets adorning the walls and shelves, more books to occupy me, the pantry is once again full and a fires burn merrily in each grate and yet it feels vastly empty and cold._

_Perhaps it is because my memory lingers on a time when it was filled with song and laughter. No matter how intrusive it felt at the time, I look back on that rather unexpected party with great fondness and more often than not, I find myself yearning for that company once again. I have even caught myself singing the words of particular song when doing the dishes._

_Though I was reluctant at the time, I already knew I was searching for something. While Bag End was my home and held everything I could ever want, there was a small thing missing. I didn't know what it was at the time, but now, it could not be any more obvious. It's funny, how hindsight brings such clarity, how, once it is too late to change or have something, it is the one thing you desire most._

_My mother was endlessly going on adventures before I was born, she told me great stories of her travels when I was young. As a fauntling I would wander further into the woods than any other hoping to catch a glimpse of the elves she spoke of. Oh, I dreamed of the world and all it had to offer! As you know, those dreams remained just that: a distant hope. One I buried deep after my mother passed, so deep I had all but forgotten it._

_I was rather rude to Gandalf when he first approached me, the memory makes me cringe with embarrassment, though I was so set in my ways that it seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. As a Baggins of Bag End, what business would I have running off into the sunset? It just wouldn't do at all, not for a respectable hobbit such as myself. I confess I still do not know when I changed my mind._

_When you sang of home, I felt the stirrings restlessness, for a long while I looked out of my window and up at the cloudless sky. I recalled the warm summer evenings spent with my parents atop the the hill. My father would point out the various patterns in the stars and tell the stories behind them, then my mother would spin great tales of heroes and wanderers of ages gone and say the names given to the same patterns by others._

_When I awoke the next morning and found everything (save the pantry) as it was before you all arrived, I felt listless, as if it had been some strange dream and I was still half asleep, clinging to the remnants of foggy illusions. I spied the contract, left in plain sight, and the stirrings from the night before bubbled away, the small adventure of having one's home invaded by dwarves rekindled my long forgotten dreams._

_You know well that I was of two minds for most of the journey. An endless road stretched out before me, further than it ever had before, yet I often looked behind at the path already trod, the winding way that would lead me home. The temptation to follow it was great, and there was a time I almost did._

_I am glad that opportunity was taken away from me, or I never would have realised. You once told me that Gandalf had said the quest would have failed without me, looking back, he was right. It sounds terribly immodest to write it so plainly, but it is true nonetheless._

_In the end the quest was fulfilled, your mountain was won. It still is._

_Another thing was achieved, you know. I realised my dream. I found my adventure. One I hoped would last for the rest of my life, but it was stolen from me. Unjustly, unfairly, taken just as I began to recognise it._

_Oh, I do still get that wanderlust, the urge to pack a bag and follow the wind, but my heart is grounded and longs for the greatest adventure I never had. We both got what we wanted in the end, the price we paid was far too high, yet I would give everything to have you here, to share this life with me, to forge new paths together and name star patterns of our own._

_Perhaps we will meet again. One night I hope to fall asleep and traverse the world in my dreams and you will be there, waiting for me just over the crest of the next hill, we can start a new journey with no real destination. If I do, I pray I never wake._

_Forever yours,_  
_Bilbo Baggins_


	2. ignore this

Bilbo,

Stop fucking around and come back to Erebor.

Lots of love,  
Thorin xoxo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, obviously, this isn't serious, I just needed a giggle while I write the _actual_ letter.


	3. Bilbo

_Bilbo,_

_I have never had a way with words, and the ones I am about to reveal are long overdue, though my reluctance to make them tangible has given me plenty of time to ensure I put the right words in the correct order. Even if this is not destined to be read by any soul but my own, I am determined to give your memory every ounce of respect and admiration it deserves._

_It is difficult to know where to begin, for my story started long before your own, and due to some horrible twist of fate, it shall long out live yours as well. In order to fully comprehend the depth of my love for you, I will have to start somewhere close to the beginning._

_Before Smaug came, I was mostly content with my life, and despite my Grandfather's ailment, our family was a happy one. Before the dragon, I had never known what it was to truly lose someone. After the attack, it seemed as though I was powerless to stop my kin from being taken away from me._

_You were told many stories as we travelled, so I won't go into detail, I doubt I could do them much justice. Needless to say, never again did I want to feel as I did then. So hopeless and broken, as if a piece of my heart had been torn away. The pain I felt as I held you atop Ravenhill was tantamount to all of those previous losses combined._

_It was never meant to end this way, you were never meant to…_

_We didn't get off to the best start, I admit that, and extend my apologies, for all the good they will do now. Nor did I treat you well in the throes of sickness, what I did and said where monstrous things and for that I can never forgive myself. Somehow, you found it within yourself to do so.  
It is astonishing, how one being can change another so much, you gave me everything I never knew I ~~wanted~~. Needed. _

_More and more often I think of you and what could have been. There are days, long days, when I sit and dream of what life might be like if you were here with me. Perhaps the halls would seem less empty, or the echoes that drift through the air less sombre, or my heart less heavy._

_The nights are longer still. They are cold and lonely and stretch endlessly before my heavy eyes. My arms long to reach out and touch you, to gather your body to my own and lay almost as one as we did during the latter days of the journey. Sometimes I think I can still feel your hands in my own and your breath on my skin._

_I miss you._

_I was lost for the longest time, both physically and spiritually. Since Erebor fell, I was restless to find a place I could call home. I always thought reclaiming the mountain would sate that. A strange thing happened, though. Long before our company reached the doors of our homeland, I felt content again. Each time I looked at you, that contentment grew until I felt a completeness I had never experienced before._

_Had you asked me to follow you back to the Shire, I would have. Without a doubt, I would have followed you anywhere. But you have gone to a place I cannot, for now, you will have to wait. For how long, I can not say, but we will be reunited, and my heart will be restless until then._

_Forever and wholly yours,  
Thorin_

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on [ Tumblr](http://andalusa.tumblr.com)


End file.
